Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Missing you, Dad...

So, last 18th of October, genap 6 bulan sejak my lovely Dad passed away. Tidak terasa, 6 bulan beliau meninggalkan gue, my mum, my younger brother and my younger sister untuk pergi menghadap Bapa di Surga. Selama masa itu *aneh-tapi-nyata-deh*, gue tidak merasakan kosong, atau hampa, atau sedih yang menusuk-nusuk, nangis meraung-raung karena kehilangan orang yang kita sayangi. Bukannya gue merasa mati-rasa atau cuek, tidak perduli, tapi somehow-somewhat, gue tidak merasa bahwa Papi itu benar-benar sudah tidak ada, tapi masih ada dan sedang berkeliaran di sekitar rumah.

Setiap kali gue pulang dari kantor, gue selalu mengucapkan selamat sore atau selamat malam dan langsung menuju ke kamar tidur tempat Mami & Papi tidur, just to say hi-halo-howareyouguys, dan selalu melihat kursi-malas berwarna biru yang biasanya dipakai beliau untuk duduk, somehow-somewhat I know that my Dad is gone, tapi yang gue rasakan dan yang gue bilang ke diri gue sendiri adalah "Oohh, si Papi lagi ke kamar mandi, nanti juga balik lagi." *sebuah kebiasaan yang selalu beliau lakukan, dan biasanya membutuhkan waktu sedikit lama*; atau "Oooh, si Papi lagi ke rumah si Oom X atau Oom Y."; atau "Ooh, si Papi lagi masang sesuatu, memperbaiki sesuatu, lagi ngobrol sama Mami, atau lagi ngapain aja."

Bukan itu saja, di pagi hari, kalau pintu kamar depan terbuka, gue selalu melihat kursi malas biru itu kosong, seperti biasa, "Ooh, si Papi lagi ke kamar mandi tuh, lama bener, ga balik-balik, PAPIIII, cepetan! Mo pergi neeehhh!!!!". Begitu terus, setiap hari. He's gone, but it's like his essence stays with us. Setiap benda yang ada di rumah, apa-aja, setiap kegiatan yang gue sekeluarga lakukan, selalu mengingatkan gue pada Papi, dan it feels different without him. Gue suka merasa, tiba-tiba Papi muncul di pintu kamar dan bilang, "Heh, ngapain di situ, bengong aja, cariin film sana!" atau "E, pijitin kaki Papi donk." *yang kadang-kadang suka gue tolak mentah-mentah dan kalau mengingat itu, kok rasanya menyesal sekali ya?*

Gue selalu melihat Papi sebagai itu gunung batu, benteng besar, kapal pesiar, pesawat hercules, pokoknya segala sesuatu yang besar-besar, yang gagah, yang selalu menjadi pelindung bagi gue sekeluarga, tapi sewaktu melihat dia meninggal, Papi tidak terlihat seperti apa yang gue bayangkan, semua bayangan gue hancur berantakan sewaktu melihat Papi pada saat-saat terakhirnya, terlihat sangat kurus, membungkuk, ringkih, kesakitan dan terlihat luar-biasa lelah. Gue sedih kalau mengingat hal itu, why did he have get through all of that? Ditambah lagi, sewaktu saat-saat terakhirnya, gue bukan menjadi anak yang berbakti, bahkan jauh dari itu, I was being a F*UCKIN' spoiled brat, anak paling b*ngs*t sedunia. Gue menjadi cuek dan lebih sering marah-marah kalau beliau minta dipijit-pijit kakinya. Gue rasanya jahat sekali waktu itu, dan gue tidak merasa bersalah. Itu yang membuat gue sakit hati pada diri gue sendiri. I was being a jerk & not feeling a thing, not a single guilt.

Gue mau menemani Papi pada saat itu, tapi melihat beliau kesakitan dan tidak berdaya itu membuat hati gue hancur berantakan, gue tidak tega untuk melihat beliau, gue tidak bisa berada di satu ruangan yang sama dengan beliau. Gue marah, tapi tidak tahu harus marah pada siapa. Gue sedih, tapi tidak bisa menangis dan tidak boleh menangis, "Anak pertama harus kuat!" I'm suffocating and not a single person knows how I feel, cause maybe I'm letting people in. Gue merasa sangat kesepian.

Tapi ada yang berbisik di telinga gue, "Everything is going to be fine, he's going to be fine, God is going to take care your father and you too, believe that, ok?" Selalu saja ada yang berbicara seperti itu dan selalu bisa membuat gue merasa tenang. Gue percaya Papi sudah tenang di atas sana, gue percaya ada yang menjaga beliau disana. 

Mr. E is being mushy-mushy today, mata berkaca-kaca, leher tercekat, pengen nangis, tapi malu, lagi di kantor. I'm sorry Dad, I can't be the person you wanted me to be, and I'm sorry for all the things I have said or do, please forgive me.

I miss you and I love Dad, always have and always will.


xoxo,
E.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Music-Albums-Reviews-Of-The-Day

So, daripada bengong-bengong di weekend ini, mendingan gue kasih rekomendasi sekaligus review kecil-kecilan soal album-album yang gue dengar waktu liburan kemarin, sebagai pengisi ke-basi-an gue gitu. Hehehehe....

"Jack's Mannequin - The Glass Passenger"
Another second album that is not a sophomore-album-is-cursed-because-the-first-one-was-better, I love this album so much, I even wanted to buy it in Singapore, but I forgot to tell the name of the album to i-Chan. Ok, maybe because I am a BIG fan of Jack's Mannequin and waiting for their new album was torture so when the next album is out, I'm getting way too excited!!!
Lead singer Andrew McMahon can craft songs that fill you with emotion. Given Andrew's recent experience with cancer, one would think that this album would be a downer, filled with sadness, but it is instead quite the opposite. Rather then being a record about getting sick, this is a record about getting better, and the songs are filled with strength and hope.
Best tracks from the album: Spinning (this has become my favorite track on the whole record. It reminds me of the old Andrew McMahon and the beat is incredible), The Resolution (an amazing, powerful song that you'll be singing before you even finish the song for the first time) , Annie Use Your Telescope (lyrically, the song is avarage, but musically, amazing!)..
A must have piano-pop-rock-album!


"Matthew Good - Avalanche"
This album is amazing. I mean, amazingly-surprisingly-good. I rarely found an album with a difficult arrangement, with emotionally taunting lyrics. My Favourites include: Weapons (I listened to it for the first time at Queer As Folk USA, a very taunting song about Brian & Justin), In A World Called Catastrophe (it feels as if this song is never going to end... but who said that was a bad thing??), Avalanche (the audio effects on the vocals are haunting.. the music is just magnificent), 21st Century Living (short and sweet), While We Were Hunting Rabbits (interesting title but great song), Bright End Of Nowhere (the simple piano makes this a favorite), Near Fantastica, Song For The Girl (how could you not LOVE this song? it's perfect) and House of Smoke and Mirrors (the acoustic guitar is... simply perfect) This album is fantastic, lyrically, musically and vocally. A must listen!

"Pussycat Dolls - Doll Domination"
A second album from the artificial-uber-pop-burlesque-troupe-and-leather-corset-supporters-group. The album is plain-average, there are nothing new about it, just another urban-pop-dance-RnB album. But, I love them, no matter what. Maybe, because they're sexy-as-hell so my eyes are blinded by that and doesn't care about the quality of the album or the song. *Eye-candy allert!*
There is also the an Deluxe version of the album that consists some other songs from the other Dolls, that in my opinion, not-so-good-songs-that-forced-to-be-included-in-the-album, yuck!
Best tracks for the albums: I Hate This Part (a sad break-up song with a up-tempo-beat & deep-big-voiced-vocal by Nicole), When I Grow Up (a fun and electro-dance-pop-orientated song, with a very shallow lyric, but I love it!), and I'm Done (a beautiful ballad with some nice orchestral arrangement).


The rest of the albums? Nanti lagi deh, Mr. E is feeling a little bit tired. Hehehehhe......


xoxo,

E.

Friday, October 24, 2008


So, I just got the COLD, AGAIN!!!!!
Uuuuuggghhhh!!!! Sebel!!!!
Pancaroba, I DESPISE YOU!!!!

Ok, mungkin bukan karena musim pancaroba juga, I guess what my BFF Ms. Tezuka said is right, I don't have enough immunity system, jadinya gampang sakit, sedikit-sedikit kena flu, CAPEK!!!. She told me that gue mesti berolah raga, minimal jogging, 10 menit aja, cukup.

Maybe I'll do it, maybe not, I don't exactly do sport *I know, BAD-HABBIT!!!!*, tapi saat ini, gue mesti beristirahat dulu, tidur, makan dan yang penting, minum vitamin C. Noo weekends deh.... SUCKS!!!!

xoxo,
E.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Music-Video-of-The-Day: The Pussycat Dolls - I Hate This Part

I have a THING for this girls, I don't know what *maybe because they're eye-candy & very sexy to watch*, but just enjoy the video. *and the song is actually  really good, one of my favorite tracks from the album; and shows a higher range of Nicole's vocals*


The PussyCat Dolls, 2nd single: I Hate This Part, directed by Joseph Kahn.

xoxo,
E. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Quote-of-the-day: Scotty Wandell - Brothers & Sisters


"Then, don't do it again...or do, but you can't play the game and second-guess yourself at the same time, either accept what you did because it'll get you  what you want, or go in there tomorrow and tell them you're drawing a line in the sand. Make a decision!"
-Luke Macfarlane as Scotty Wandell in Brothers & Sisters about making decisions-



Can't wait for the new episodes of Brothers & Sisters!

xoxo,
E.

Mind-Block-Stuck-Mentok-Whatever!

So, this is my first posting since Lebaran. Lumayan lama juga gue tidak mengkontribusikan diri di dunia blogging-narcism-in-a-process-berisi-cerita-cerita-penting-ga-penting-tapi-gue-tetep-suka-baca-kok-makin-hari-makin-seru-aja-gitu, kangen juga setiap pulang dari kantor, menyalakan PC, sambil nonton TV-series yang baru di download di kantor, dan mengetik & menulis buah-buah pikiran hari itu dan atau sesuatu yang diharapkan bisa berguna bagi orang yang berkeinginan untuk membaca blog gue. *thanks a bunch guys!!!*

Tapi, kegiatan blogging tidak dapat berlangsung selama liburan lebaran kemarin karena gue punya mainan baru, yaitu DVD player baru bermerk Akira yang bisa dipakai untuk memasang DVD dengan format .avi (yang sekarang sedang dalam tahap reparasi di Mangga Dua, ah! that's another story, tell later ya...). Setelah liburan, bisa donk nulis-nulis dikit, ya ga? Darn! Gue masih belum bisa nulis-nulis juga, selalu ada aja sesuatu yang menghalangi gue untuk menulis di PC rumah, ataupun notebook gue di kantor, either I'm exhausted of working, ada acara ketemuan dengan beberapa teman-teman gue, ataupun karena ada movie day with my friends too, duh, pokoknya jadi serasa sibuk-banget-kayak-kerjaan-gue-di-kantro-itu-high-demanding-aja-ataupun-gue-kebanyakan-temen-sampe-sibuk-mo-hangout-ama-sapa, ALASAN AJA!!!

Sebenarnya sih, bukan karena itu, kalau mau ditelusuri lebih jauh, gue sebenarnya lagi mengalami mind-block, stuck-in-the-head, mentok! Gue merasa tidak ada hal-hal di sekitar gue yang cukup worth it untuk dijadikan bahan tulisan. *padahal-sih-ada-aja-yang-bisa-ditulis-kok-gue-nya-aja-yang-lagi-males-kali-ye...*
Iya, gue lagi mentok jadi belum bisa atau belum ada yang bisa dijadikan bahan tulisan gue. Sebuah alasan yang cukup simple tapi kesannya melarikan diri banget sih lo! Hehehehe....

Kalau mengingat-ingat lagi selama liburan itu gue melakukan apa saja, begitu banyak hal-hal kecil dan besar yang bisa gue jadikan tulisan, tapi memang dasar otak-penulis-amatiran gue lagi mentok, tidak ada satupun yang bisa diposting. Eh, tapi rupanya, ke-mentok-an gue sebagai penulis amatir bisa dijadikan tulisan juga rupanya, jadi, daripada melihat blog gue yang mulai sepi dari tulisan-tulisan baru, gue mulai menulis. Yay! Another not-so-fabulous-writings from me!

Maybe, for the next issue-oops-salah-deng-next-postingan-baru-deng, there are some things yang mungkin bisa gue tulis.
1. Kisah perselingkuhan teman-teman gue yang merasa bosan dengan hubungan yang sedang mereka bina pada saat ini.
2. TV series yang gue tonton selama libur lebaran, Brothers & Sisters.
3. Playlist lagu-lagu ataupun music album yang sedang didengarkan di iPod gue.
4. Wedding salah satu teman gue di Gedung Arsip Nasional, dengan segala perjuangannya untuk sampai ke tempat resepsi itu.
5. atau film terakhir yang baru saja gue tonton dengan my little sister, The House Bunny.

Hmmm... so many choices, so little time, what is going to be Mr. E?

xoxo,
E.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Alone....alone....alone.... I HATE HOLIDAYS!!!!

So, I wanted to sing to my friends who celebrate Idul Fitri, "Selamat Hari Raya Ied Fitr, 1429 H, Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin, Mohon Maaf Lahir & Batin..." Yay!!!

Sampai postingan ini berlangsung, Jakarta masih dalam efek-efek Lebaran, yaitu jalanan-sepi-kosong-non-macet-restoran-rame-abis-sampah-tidak-terangkut; masih banyak orang yang menikmati libur Lebaran-nya, tapi diperkirakan, hari ini & besok (Sabtu & Minggu) adalah titik puncak arus mudik penduduk Jakarta, jadi diperkirakan akan bisa sampai kira-kira 1 juta orang datang ke Jakarta lagi, untuk kembali ke kehidupannya, kembali ke kesemrawutanya Jakarta, macet lagi, uuuggghhh!!!! Jakarta, memang tiada matinya.
OK, back to topic, sebenarnya gue mau ngomong apa sih? Gue mau curhat sedikit nih, soal liburan ini, libur lebaran yang cukup sucked, kalau mau tahu. Mau tahu kenapa, ok, let me count the ways!

Pertama-tama, I'm STUCK at home-doing-nothing-not-very-productive-just-being-lazy-and-hibernate! Walaupun sebenarnya gue cukup menikmatinya, bisa bangun siang, nonton DVD sepuasnya, makan-tidur-makan-tidur-nonton-makan-lagi-terus-tidur, tapi lama-kelamaan kok bete juga ya? Aneh. Padahal gue paling senang doing nothing at weekends or holidays, tapi gue kok jadinya kesepian sendiri. Mungkin karena teman-teman gue spend their holiday by vacationing. Yup, JALAN-JALAN, ke luar kota ataupun ke luar negeri. Gue jadinya iri sendiri! *Ingat! Sirik tanda tak mampu, just get it over it man!* Yah, gara-gara mereka semua jalan-jalan, gue stuck di Jakarta, dan sendirian. Sedih juga ya, jadi merasa the loneliest person in the planet gitu deh.

Ok-ok, hal-hal yang bikin gue jadi iri sendiri, sebagai berikut.

Iri no. 1:
My little brother Stef goes to Bandung with his friends, my little sister Ms. Es goes to puncak also with her friends. Bummer!!! Ini dua anak tiba-tiba pergi aja gitu, seenak jidat, dan gara-gara mereka pergi, gue terpaksa harus jaga rumah. Another reason to stay home and get bummed!

Iri no. 2
My JoJoba goes to Thailand, yup, they're going to Thailand!!! Kalau tidak salah, yang pergi adalah Ms. Y-Tong, Ms. Le, Ms. TjeongKring, Ms. iT, Ms. ShR.. I can't afford to go to Thailand, so I'm not going, even though I really-really-really wanted to go. Bummer!

Iri no. 3:
Ms. Valtje going to Pantai Pangandaran  (oops, sori-dori-mori-UjungGenteng-rupanya) with Ms. Chicks. Fun-Fun-Fun!

Iri no. 4:
My friends, Ms. Blue goes to some beach with her friends, way the go girl! Leave me alone in Jakarta!!! Batalin aja tuh ke Mango Two-nya!

Iri no. 5
i-Chan goes to Singapore with her family. Sebenarnya sih, bukan vacation juga, tapi her mum mau check up di rumah sakit, periksa mata, lebih tepatnya berobat, tapi tetep, bisa jalan-jalan sedikit juga.

DAMN! Gara-gara semua orang pergi, gue tiba-tiba jadi yatim piatu, have no one else, kesepian gitu, kasian deh gue! Wait a minute, how abou Dae-Bie? Ok, they're still in Jakarta, doing nothing too but they have their design jobs, and hey, they got each other, so being together is actually doing something. Bummer!

So, to get rid this boredom-loneliness-holiday-week, Mr. E watched some DVD's *ok, maybe not some, but a lot of TV series DVD, especially Brothers & Sisters*, then at night, went to Starbucks at LaPiazza for a couple of hours, enjoying a cup of Tazo Mint Tea, reading Paulo Coelho's The Witch of Portobelo and listening to the iPod for some boredom-killer tunes. That's it for almost the whole week.

P.S. Mr. E's Mum is coming back from Manado, thank GOD for the foods *and oleh-olehnya* !!!


xoxo,
E.