Tuesday, May 5, 2009

If You Don't Like Me for Being Me, Go. To. Hell.

I don't get many respect from people. I don't. Maybe because I don't have the look of a 25 y/o man *people have mistaken me for being an high school-er or a college student* or maybe because I act childish too many time, I don't know but it happen. I tend to underestimated, taken for granted, and never-had-the-chance-to-be-something.
F*ck.

Maybe people like to think that I don't have the ability to be responsible & carry on something important.
F*ck.

Despite all that, there is one thing that always bugging me is that people like to tease me, A-LOT. I know, I'm a bit effeminate, act-too-girlish-for-a-boy, yes, that's a fact, I'm not trying to lie or anything, but, that's me, and yes, I have some trouble to fit-in because I'm "different". Oo, if you want to talk about those days, it could take ages, because I have a history for being "different".
F*ck.

Growing up for me was hell. I suffered a-lot for being teased, called-names, make-fun-of-me, do-pranks-on-me, it hurts so bad because it tends to be cruel, harsh, & inappropriate. Imagine that happening when you're growing up . But, I keep it to myself, I don't tell others that I'm hurt or anything. I just smile, sometimes laugh it all out and go away, pretend that those things never happen. I don't show them that I dislike their attitude towards me. I tend to be in my silent mode when those things happened to me.
F*ck.

Yes, it hurts me sometimes, but as time pass by, I became immune to those attitude towards me. It seems that I don't care about it. Just let it go, pretend that it never happen. Those are the mechanism that I built for myself, so that I won't have a thing called "luka-batin".
F*ck.

A few days ago, one of my boss in the office called one of my colleague and express his disagreement about the other colleagues' behavior. They like to act girlish when talking to others, especially me. He banned them from acting with that kind of behavior. At that point, I was like confused, why on earth that he would do that? Apparently my boss defended me; my honor, my integrity, ME. He was defending me.
I'm speechless.

But, I know the reason why, luka-batin. For being a good Christian, my boss knows this kind of things, so he defended me and tell my other colleague not to act with those kind of behaviour. He said that those behaviour can make people suffered, depressed, heart-broken, bitter, unworthy, etc-etc, you know the point. My friend try to explain that they just playing with others, but he insisted them to stop.
I'm speechless, again.

Honestly, I don't really care about my colleagues teasing me, I do. I know, they're just playing & make fun of themselves. The mechanism in me have build those big walls so I don't take it personally. I was flattered being defended, I certainly am, but I'm fine & don't really care about what they do to me. It was funny for a couple of time, but it tends to be out-of-line these days, and I think, yeah, maybe it's time that they stop. Maybe I'll them to stop.
F*ck!

A little bird from the sky tells me something, if you want some respect, *even though you're effeminate, girlish or whatever*, try to be more mature. You don't have to be manly or whatsoever, just be polite, professional, & punctual. Confidence is one of the key for being success. Be good to what you do, and always stand-up for yourself. Don't let anyone walk-all-over-you. Know how to put yourself in a situation. Take chances and learn from your mistakes.

I'm not going to lie, but sometimes I hate myself for being me. I just wish that they will leave my personal life out of this. So, what if I am gay-or-bencong-banci-homo-queer-or-what-so-ever-you-want-to-call me, that's going to be a problem? It's not like I'm trying to flirt or try having sex with you! You little homophobic-twat! Go. To. Hell.
F*ck!

Mr. E, suddenly feel annoyed about the incident that happened yesterday. Yes, there's going to be a drama, big-time.
F*ck!

xoxo,
E.

3 comments:

-Tess- said...

*Hugs*
U know I love u no matter what :)

Valent said...

Wahh, entah napa baca blog loe enak banget. ngalir gt bahasanya. ahahaha.

Sante lah Son, kesuksesan itu dinilai ketika orang bisa bangkit dari kejatuhannya, dan gw rasa lo sedang berada di titik kejatuhan itu.

Kalau kita kuat ya kita pasti bisa membalikkan keadaan Son. hohoho.

Juan said...

jangan takut Ichondddd ! ada gue yang siap memeluk lu !

yeeeeaarrritteeeeeeeeeeeeeee